This article was started on September 16. Shows how much of a procrastinator I am. Enjoy, nonetheless.

Yesterday, I was fortunate enough to head up to New York and watch a taping of the new season of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? By the way, special thanks to Trisha, the audience coordinator and very gracious host, for dealing with me whilst I hung around the set all day.

I suppose this post will have two functions: one, to inform the reader of what exactly goes on at a taping of Millionaire; and two (and this point has two sub-points), to explain the changes that have been made to the show while explaining that no, they are not in fact gay, stupid, or ill-concieved.

First, a recap of the trip. I woke up at a bright and early hour and made my way to 30th Street Station. I booked a BoltBus the night before (thank you for fronting the money for me, Liz!) and waited patiently for the bus. Now, the stop for this bus isn’t special; there’s not a shelter or anything. It’s just a sign on the rickety 30th Street bridge between Market and Chestnut, behind the Post Office. When a truck passed on it, the whole thing rumbled. Eventually, the bus showed up and I sat down. Boy, I’m taking BoltBus more often. They have power outlets on every seat and WiFi on the bus. I should’ve taken my laptop, damnit.

Well, one Preston and Steve podcast later, I woke up in Manhattan at 6th and Canal, with 30 minutes to get to 67th and Columbus. Of course, that is when I realized that I was sorely under-prepared to traverse the Big Apple. All I knew was, I could catch the 1 uptown to Columbus Circle and maybe run from there. I managed to get above ground with 10 minutes at 66th and Columbus. So, the view that Manhattenites got was a fat kid running down 67th Street at a very, very slow pace. (As an aside, I think I skip faster than I can run, cementing my place as the world’s manliest 6-year-old girl.) Eventually, I reached ABC Studios where Kevin, a young man in a headset, assumed that the portly gentlemen lunging toward him was the one who was late for his guaranteed seat in Studio 2 and asked if I was Cory. I assured him, out of breath, that I was, and he signed me in and directed me to the studio.

Wow, what a show. I had never been to an American game show taping before (no, this doesn’t count), so I didn’t quite know what to expect. One, I didn’t expect it to be so small. I could gently lob a softball across the stage and hit the back wall, for lack of a more logical way of explaining how small the space is. Second, there are a metric fuckton of lights in that studio. We’re not talking about just the ones that make the fun dundundundundundundundundunnnnnnn noise. There are strobe lights and lights shining beneath the floor and LED lights that make the set change color… it’s bright. Third, you know how you really can only see beams of light outside is if there’s atmospheric dust or fog? Well, that’s how you can see it in the studio. It’s foggy. Very foggy. So much so that before all the fog settled in the studio, I was having trouble seeing the far end of the studio. Of course, on your TV screen, everything looks a lot cooler and less like the San Fransisco Bay at dawn.

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This is the Ask the Audience clicker. If Merideth asks you to “please vote now,” well, this is where you do that. At home, I’m actually not too bad at this part of the game. In the studio? I was a steaming pile of stupid. If I’m ever back at the studio, and you’re sitting next to me, try to do the polar opposite of whatever I guess. You’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re probably right. One fun tidbit is that the show is live-to-tape, so the Ask the Audience graphics on the screen are being tabulated and counted and displayed at real time, the Ask the Expert Skype feed is live and in real time, and the timer is being displayed on the screen in real time.

Oh yes, the timer. Every game show fan’s fucking nightmare. I will grant you this: it’s a lot of pressure and the pressure is manufactured. But Who Wants to be a Millionaire isn’t about giving away money. It’s about presenting contestants with a challenge, and the challenge now is less about the questions, where contestants can circle around and think about a question at their leisure, like looking for a parking spot in a crowded parking lot on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Now, your time is valuable, and is a precious commodity. You don’t have time to second-guess yourself. You now have exactly x amount of seconds to make up your mind. The game now rewards quick decisions that don’t waste your time or mine. “I’m going to sit here, make funny faces, and decide between C and D for 10 minutes. I’ve recalled everything I know about the subject and I’m still not sure, but no one’s going to tell me to get the fuck out, so I’m going to sit here, eat up tape, and enjoy my 15 minutes of fame.” Silly.

I was able to sit in the Director’s booth during one contestant, and it was a very cool experience. The entire staff functions as a well-oiled machine, from timers to stat keepers, to directors and assistants. It was a very professional, very solid crew. During a lunch break, I was able to sneak in with Alex Davis and talk to Michael Davies about the changes, and they were very well-thought-out by him and his people and it’s a decision I respect. (I doubt he remembers me, because like everyone else in the world, he fancies Alex Davis like the wunderkinder that he is.)

I leave you with this goofy picture. During a stoppage in production, I heard a staffer tell someone to “cue up the Disco set.” Kool and the gang started playing, and the set started to look like this. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but then again, I love colors.

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