This is my running commentary for the 37th Season Premier of the Price is Right. If you’re not prepared for spoilers, then it would be a good idea to not read this until or while you’re watching the season premier. Now, this isn’t really the greatest commentary ever, but picture it like Mystery Science Theater 3000: you kind of have to see it to get it, I guess.

11:00 AM: It’s in High-Def, and I’m watching it on a big screen tv that’s sadly not HD-Ready. Let’s see all the radical changes that exist. We’re going to hid the rest of the commentary behind a cut, just to appease everyone.

11:01 AM: Drew walks out as a giddy schoolgirl. The set looks fantastic. “That’s why we lasted so long: crowds like this.” Take THAT, Golden-Road. It’s not Roger at all! Mahaha.

11:02 AM: Drew seems to be mentioning all the change talk by slyly mentioning that everything’s the same. I can tell that he knows everyone’s freaking out over the changes, and maybe Drew himself is upset over the changes, but damnit all to hell, it’s fine. Drew knows it’s fine. I know it’s fine. We all know it’s fine.

Oh, we don’t all know it’ll be fine? Well, hrm. That throws a wrench in the cogs.

11:03 AM: OMG THE ARP SLIP IS WHITE AND NOT YELLOW IT’S BECAUSE OF ROGER!

11:04 AM: Three cars! We’re playing Most Expensive for three cars.

11:05 AM: These cars are pricy. She wants the Pontiac. If the Pontiac is more than $23,000+… but nooo. She didn’t listen to her instinct. What a whopper for her first lost. Puppy dog eyes and we go to commercial.

11:07 AM: We’re back! We couldn’t give away three cars. Our contestant coordinators are picking winners today. (I may or may not mean that sarcastically.) Whoa, new backdrop for that treadmill that’s up for bids. That’s pretty classy. I have that in my non-existent exercise room.

11:08 AM: Dude, sweet tie-dye shirt. Drew likes it too, bro. “See you in church,” Drew says.

11:09 AM: It’s $50,000 Plinko-Planko-Plunko. Let’s see if our hippie friend can get all 5 chips. The first item is a portable stove… and he guesses “79.” Drew couldn’t be clearer with those rules but Camp Counselor Nathan’s nerves are kind of racked.

11:10 AM: Hey hey, Price is Right Video Game! Second digit’s a 0! *ding* That’s a $20 PC game. It was $40 for Wii… Maybe I went the wrong route here. Good purchase, though. Review coming soon.

11:11 AM: He’s got 4 chips in all for $40,000 Plinko Monday. His first chip… Whoops, hit it $0. Next chip, $500. Another $500. He’s up to $1,000.

11:12 AM: OH NO A BAD BOUNCE! His last Plinko chip hit the $10,000 slot and bounced out, landing in the $0 slot. That’s really tramautic, but not as bad as fishing line. And we go to commercial. That’s a technical win, so we’re 1-1, I suppose.

11:13 AM: The changes that we’re seeing from a new producer aren’t immediately evident. Maybe they’ll come later in the season, but for the premier, they’re placating the geeks.

11:15 AM: We’re back, and Drew just gave Rich and the models a really nice shout-out. Next item up for bid, is a MacBook Air mentioned by name! Did Apple pay for that plug, or was that a change that Roger was preventing? It’s been mentioned by name already 3 times.

11:17 AM: Bro hug! Didn’t know there were bros at Brigham Young. Hmm… there’s a Pontiac Solstice hiding behind the Race Game curtain. OH! It’s Gas Money! Thank you, Roger. I like the reveal for that.

11:18 AM: First, there’s 5 prices revealed. He has to pick what he think is the price of the car. Behind each value has money behind it, but one has a “pink slip”. This sounds like Deal or No Deal. His first pick is the lowest amount, aand…

11:19 AM: $3,000 and a fun sound effect. This is Deal or No Deal. He can keep going if he thinks he’s picked the correct price of the car. He went for it and he’s got $5,000 now. He keeps going, and he’s got $9,000. The last amount is the largest amount. If it has a pink slip, he loses. Bro goes big and goes home…

11:20 AM: AND HE’S A WINNER! $10,000 and a new car! Roger has our first win. Let’s go talk to Wilford Brimley whilst we set up for the Showcase Showdown. 2-1 for our first half.

11:22 AM: And we’re back. Let’s see the new wheel and it’s shiiiny. The wheel is a lot shinier, but my girlfriend can’t notice the differences. It’s a very nice wheel and it fits the set perfectly. The carpet is nice, the diamond-metal Pricedown dollar signs are blingtastic. The wheel seems a lot looser, though. Still looks heavy, but very very loose. It’s got a lot of give. And there is a lot a glitter.

11:24 AM: The bonuses have been upped and there’s a very nice, retro-style split screen. No bonuses here, though, and we’ll see Nathan in the showcase.

11:25 AM: The ticket plug is the same, but they’re still using the hypocloids on their fake browser screens. Someone inform the CBS Fake Browser Mockup Division that we’re on to boxes now.

11:26 AM: And now, halftime analysis. I think the changes that have been made, the average viewer couldn’t notice. Despite the doom and gloom that everyone’s projecting, everyone’s still having a good time and everyone’s winning prizes. So, what’s so bad, guys?

11:27 AM: The music’s the same, the excited fat Canadians are still the same… I know it’s the premier, but they’ve pulled out all the stops. Everyone’s on the top of their game. Drew’s on top, the presentation’s the same. This is Change We Can Bid On™.

11:28 AM: I’m sorry, you were looking for “$3,001.” $3,001. It would’ve lost anyway, but still. Cover your ass.

11:29 AM: “Oh, my God!” “Please, call me Drew.” Let’s play Ye Holy Squeeze Play. And our dear Yvette has a muscly Drew on her shirt. It’s frighting. Our first Alakazam of the season produces a win. We should track Alakazam wins. Someone get on that. Year to date: 1 Win for 1 Alakazam. The year’s Alakazam to Win Ratio is 1:1. I expect this to be tracked and implemented to the fullest this season.

11:32 AM: Navyman’s on board in Contestant’s Row. That was one expensive Pool Table, but at least we didn’t have to wade through people not knowing what to bid. That was fun. It seemed a bit rushed, but I don’t care because I don’t like watching people turn around for 2 minutes.

11:33 AM: After our Canadian geography lesson, we’re treated to a Dodge Journey and a new-to-me car cue. It sounds pretty cool, Classic Car Cue fans be damned. We’ll be playing Money Game.

11:34 AM: After winning $51.95 Canadian Dollars, Kelly found the front of the car. After two more dollar signs, she leaves with money for food on the plane back to Ontario and not much more. What was the last two digits… 37? Sounds like they didn’t want to give that car away.

11:37 AM: Does anyone know the best procedure to liveblogging? This feels like a pain in the ass. Maybe I’ll just make an outline and timestamp it, then go back when I’m done and edit the damn thing.

11:38 AM: And we’re back. Mary looks excited and we have a riding lawnmower. You know, everything’s running very nice and smooth on this show. Everyone knows what they’re doing.

11:39 AM: Mary made the Quick Fresh Jump™ from Contestant’s Row to the stage. (See? I can make up witty terms to describe things that happen on the Price is Right, just like any other forum dweller.) Mary was on the show 34 years ago, it’s her 34th wedding anniversary and her birthday and now she’s going to play for a dining room set. Somewhere, Roger’s smiling.

11:40 AM: Does anyone else think that Pick A Pair looks good with the balloons in the background, or is that just me? Just me? Hrm.

11:41 AM: Drew makes a good point: “Don’t experiment with the Garlique. Use as directed.” Wow, after 34 years, Mary comes back and wins it very fast and we have a very quick Pick A Pair win!

11:42 AM: This season, we have a new awesome Hoverround commercial. However, the clip of the man getting chased by a remote controlled car is sadly absent. That, I suppose, makes it not awesome. I hereby rescind my previous statement.

11:43 AM: Contestants not appearing on stage will happily have an HD image of their face waving next to the TPiR logo.

11:44 AM: The bulky Canadian gal says “Hi” to David Beckham. Victoria, at home reliving her Posh Spice days, is not amused. She gets $.70 and will stay. That’s about $.73 in Canada, so she might eke out a win.

11:45 AM: 55 cents is a tough thing to spin on, but Retro Mary wins $1,000 after hitting $.45! I’m excited for the brand new Mo’ Money Bonus Spin™. Yvette sends love and Drew does the same. She hits 60 and she needs 40 and she’s not…going to…get it.

11:46 AM: Upped values for the bonus round. Green ($.05 and $0.15): $10,000. Red ($1.00 “on the nose”): $25,000. That is some Big Bucks (no Whammies). Let’s see if Retro Mary can cash in… The wheel’s spinnin’… (that one’s NSFW) no. She’ll be in the showcase.

11:50 AM: A nice crane cam into the Showcase. Our first showcase looks straight out of Sesame Street, celebrating the number 37. Nathan looks confused. It’s a bunch of math problems leading into two BRAND NEW CAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHS! Cory’s guess: $39,750. Mary’s our top winner and she will bid.

11:51 AM: Mary bids $50,000. Maybe I’m a wuss. The second showcase is still running on the 37 theme. It would also be nice if Nathan would close his gaping jaw and look like not an idiot.

11:52 AM: A trip to Monte Carlo. Nathan now looks excited. Still like Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel, but an excited yokel nonetheless.

11:53 AM: A shot of a huge-ass trailer outside of CBS Television City? That’s pretty bad-ass. Well, wow. My bid is somewhere around $79,000. He bids $65,000. We didn’t even HEAR his bid. Are we pressed for time? Is this the evil works of Kathy Greco? OH NOES.

11:54 AM: I’m being very cynical over people at Invision, Golden-Road and Buzzer who are insanely pessimistic about the changes made for the Price is Right. Right now? It looks like the changes made are subtle and…

11:55 AM: Ohh, commercials about kitty cats! Anyway, the changes look subtle and don’t subtract from anything.

11:56 AM: We’re back. Mary bid $50,000 on two trips and two cars. $52,791, for a difference of $2,791. Nathan, a giant trailer. Don’t fuck up. $82,285. I’m off on both counts and that’s why I’m here in front of a computer while those people are in the showcase. Whoops, you fucked up. MARY WINS! Welcome back to the Price is Right. We’ve missed you!

11:57 AM: The credit roll looks the same. And, I spot a Rich, just as usual.

So, the final verdict? It’s two fold. One, all the naysayers need to shut their shit and sit down. This is the same Price is Right that I know and love. It’s fine. No signs of green screens or video walls anywhere so far, but of course, there are pictures, so that’ll come, but I think this audience and this show right now is strong enough to handle anything that gets thrown at it. I’m not worried and no one else should be.